Anger
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Anger
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Anger
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Anger
is a normal, natural emotion that is neither good
nor bad. Its value is determined by how you choose
to respond to it. It is up to you to decide whether
anger will be a negative or positive emotion in
your life.
When
you channel the energy generated by your anger
into constructive endeavors, anger can stimulate
many worthwhile activities. Channeled into destructive
actions, anger can drain your energy. Many athletes
have benefited from the extra energy they derive
from a moderate amount of anger. However, when
the anger becomes too intense, or is not properly
controlled, it becomes a distraction, leaving
the athletes feeling emotionally, physically,
and mentally drained.
Depending
on how it is expressed, anger can either open
new channels of communication or block its flow
altogether. Constructive communication of anger
alerts others to your needs, thereby creating
an opportunity for reconciliation and support.
Destructive communication
of anger has just the opposite effect. It
deters others from caring about your needs and
increases their needs and increases their desire
to respond in equally hurtful ways.
When
you are aware of the feelings that lead up to
your anger, you will know that it is time to regain
your sense of personal control by taking positive
action to resolve the conflict, or by finding
a constructive way to cope
with your angry feelings. Not being in control
of your anger can lead to displaying it in destructive
ways. These often include trying to intimidate
others with aggressive behavior or manipulate
them with passive-aggressive behavior.
When
you choose to express your anger in a destructive
manner (swearing, hitting, or breaking something),
anger becomes a destructive emotion. But when
you choose to channel the energy derived
from your anger into constructive activities
(fighting against a neighborhood problem such
as gang violence or crime), then anger is a positive
emotion.
Many
people try to deny that they are feeling
angry, or they try to talk other people out
of their anger, because they associate anger with
a loss of control. Loss of control often leads
to feelings of frustration, confusion, and even
helplessness. Many physical, emotional, and mental
pains have resulted from uncontrolled anger. The
evidence of this is the frequency of strained
relationships at work, spousal abuse, and the
high divorce rate. Uncontrolled anger is frequently
responsible for triggering criminal activity and
international conflict.
In
contrast to the destructive power of uncontrolled
anger, controlled anger provides the energy
for some of the most constructive activities imaginable.
Civil rights movements, like those lead by Dr.
Martin Luther King Jr., demonstrate how anger
can be used in constructive ways to help others.
You
may not always be able to control when you are
going to feel angry, but your response to it will
determine the outcome of your anger. You can always
decide how intense your anger will be, how long
you will hold on to your angry feelings, and whether
the outcome of your anger will be positive or
negative. The cycle of wife abuse illustrates
how the consequences of your anger are often a
direct result of the choices you make when you
are angry.
One
common response to anger
is retaliation. Retaliation is the act of
expressing hurtful and angry feelings in ways
that inflict those same feelings on someone else.
Retaliation
continues the cycle of anger-retaliation-anger
if allowed to run uncontrolled. You can, however,
choose to avoid that destructive cycle by expressing
your anger in a constructive or healing way.
Angry
feelings are a normal, inevitable part of life.
You can't always choose when you are going to
feel angry, but by making
the right choices, you can control the power of
anger and determine what the consequences of your
anger will be.
By Susan Padezanin
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